REALLY WANT IT

Lately, it’s occurred to me that it’s terrifying to allow ourselves to reaaaalllly WANT something. Let me clarify. We do let ourselves really want things if we know we can have them. I really want that piece of chocolate sitting in my kitchen because I know I can have it; it’s a done deal. But when it comes to really wanting something that I’m not sure I can have, it’s scary to really want it.

I’ve noticed this with a few friends lately, both going for jobs they really want. Both told me how perfect the jobs were, how amazing the staff seemed; they rattled off nothing but positives. And both proceeded to finish with, “But I don’t want to get my hopes up.” “Why?” I asked. “It will hurt too bad if I don’t get it.”

This got me thinking about myself. Do I allow myself to really want the things that are important to me? No, I actually don’t. When I really like a guy, I always have an escape route in the back of my mind that looks something like- “I don’t know if I really want to be in a relationship” or “I have so much going on right now; I should really focus on my goals.” I don’t surrender to really wanting  the relationship with all of my heart because that makes me vulnerable to potential pain.

The same thing goes for my dreams. I sat down with my journal yesterday with the prompt-“What would the life of yIMG_0298our dreams look like?” It was hard for me to be completely honest even with myself. Part of me judges myself for thinking I could really have the life of my dreams. Again, it’s a source of protection. If I don’t admit I could really have it, I’m not vulnerable to any loss.

I think a lot of times what seems like self-protection is actually self-sabotage. Have you noticed how often you get what you want when you reaaaalllly allow yourself to want it? So why don’t we allow ourselves to really want the things that are most important to us? We have to start believing in the life of our dreams or we’ll never get it. It might hurt if you don’t get something you allow yourself to really want, but you’re not going to die. You’ll get over it, and you’ll be braver. You’ll probably put yourself out there more often because you know you can survive anything. We have to stop being so afraid of our emotions. You’re going to stumble along the way, but you can get back up. You’ll survive.

Let’s stop really wanting only those things that are a done deal. Let’s believe in ourselves enough to really want our dreams- the things that would bring us more joy and love than we could imagine- no back up plan, no excuses, no escape route. Your dream, your Plan A- What is it, really? Admit it to yourself, believe in it, WANT it.

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