Why I’m Dumping Selfless for Selfish….

The other day my mom brought me a box. Inside it were pieces of writing from my childhood.

I uncovered a small questionnaire.

One question read:

When are you happiest?

Me: When I make other people feel good.

Awww. At first glance, it sounded so nice.

What a good, little girl. Just what I was taught to be.

But when does making people feel good go too far?

Somewhere down the road, I started to believe it was my job to make other feel good whether it made me happy or not, whether or not it felt good to ME.

Yes, making people feel good is something I enjoy. I’m sure we all do. We like to be of help. It feels great!

But, more importantly, we must value making ourselves feel good. 

And sometimes that’s at odds with making others feel good.

When I value my happiness, I express my truth and others won’t always like it.

I can’t always say “Yes.”

I can’t always be who they want me to be.

But that’s ok.

First and foremost, I must take responsibility for what feels good to me.

I must get clear on what gives me energy and honor that. 

I must also get clear on what drains my energy and say “No” to that.

And I have to take this seriously!

When I’m running around trying to make everyone happy, yet I’m drained and unhappy, I’m actually not doing any good because I have nothing genuine to give!

So, let’s try this again…

When am I happiest?

When I take responsibility for feeling good.

When I check in with myself and my needs. When I express them. When I honor my energy.

I choose to feel good first. 

It is from this place that I am good to others.

I become an example of empowerment.

I am able to give others my full attention because I am centered.

I am able to respond instead of react because I am at peace.

I am in touch with love and can, therefore, extend it to others.

I must take responsibility for fueling my own system. 

It is only when I am full that I can authentically give.

It is only when I am full that I can form my best relationships.

No more believing it is selfish to honor my happiness. No more ignoring my needs. No more putting others before myself.

I choose to feel good first.

It is from this place that I am good to others.

It is not only necessary; it is my responsibility.

2 thoughts on “Why I’m Dumping Selfless for Selfish….

  1. Well said, Jamie! It can be so difficult for some of us to set those boundaries, especially when there are people around who will take advantage of the “Pleasers”. I’m willing to give so much more readily if I don’t think that someone is playing me for a fool 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great point! A lot of it comes down to trusting our intuition and what feels good vs what feels off. Hopefully we feel “off” when in a situation where we’re potentially getting played. I’ve got to learn to trust my radar!

      Liked by 1 person

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