I sat in a room with 100 people for 30 hours this weekend tearing apart my life.
Do you know what it feels like to realize you’ve been living inside a story your entire life?
My story? It’s probably similar to yours.
High expectations to be “perfect” (whatever that means) left me believing I could always work harder, I could always do more. And when my best wasn’t good enough, I learned that I couldn’t be trusted. Life was out of my hands. Others knew what I didn’t- others were in control. Do you know how scary life becomes when you decide that life is out of your hands?
I began a life of pleasing others in order to survive. They were the ones in control. “I better make them happy so they keep me around.” Literally, that’s what my brain decided. You must please others at the expense of yourself in order to survive.
I convinced myself that I was helping others by pleasing them, but to do so by sacrificing my own needs was not serving anyone.
But I couldn’t be trusted. How would I even know how to meet my own needs? Others hold the answers, remember? I NEED their approval because I can’t be trusted (carry around that belief for a lifetime and you’ll forget who you are).
Better to sit life out and watch from the stands as I help others find their way to happiness. They know what to do, not me. Of course that’s a bunch of BS.
So, what do you do when you realize you’ve created a life based on a story that’s a lie?
Well, you decide to let go of the story and all the barriers that come with it. The belief that it is my job to please others. The belief that others hold the power to my survival. The belief that I can’t be trusted so I better keep my mouth shut. The belief that I can’t be trusted so life must be scary and out of control- I mean, if I can’t trust myself, who can I trust??
WHAT A STORY. And none of it is true.
Today, I realize it is my job to please myself, and it is my job to do whatever it takes to find out what pleases myself. I am not serving others by coming to save the day. I serve others by saving myself. I serve others by being an example of a woman who knows how to trust herself.
Today, I let go of the belief that the world is a scary and out of control place because I know who I am & I am a woman who can be trusted.
And with this thought, a wave of peace washes over me. The story is gone, and I can see myself clearly for the first time…
I am trustworthy. I know what I want. I know what I need. And I know what to say. Life is no longer big, scary and out of my control. Life is each moment as it passes, and I know what to do in each moment. Simple as that. Moment by moment. Life is in my hands and what security that brings.
I reclaim my sense of trust. I stand for my truth. And the rest takes care of itself.
How funny. She thought she’d been saving the day by sacrificing her trust. When really, embodying trust allowed her to pave a completely new way. A way in which no one needed to save the day.