Dear Grandma,

It’s hard to believe that you’ve been gone for 9 months. What’s even harder to believe is that I’ll never see you again. There are so many questions I’m dying to ask.

Where did you go? What’s it like now?

What have you learned? What advice would you give me now that you’re on the other side?

Would you tell me that it’s all going to be okay…that it all ends up more than okay? That it’s such a relief to be out of your body?

Would you tell me that you miss earth? And what do you miss? Hugs, kisses, the love of your animals, the hours you spent in your garden? Or is it all so much better now?

I miss you so much. It’s so hard for me to accept that I have to live decades more without seeing you again.

How do I accept it? How do I find peace? How do I think of you without breaking down in tears? Or maybe I just let the tears flow.

Do you hear me when I talk to you? Are you okay? What’s your next adventure?

I know you’re free now and that makes me happy, but I selfishly cling to the yearning for your sweet hugs, our loving talks, your beautiful heart.

Sometimes the mystery of life drives me insane. It’s so hard for me to accept that you’ve gone away without leaving me with any idea that you’re okay.

I cling to the hope that you are safe, loved, and happier than ever.

I try to let my memories of you bring me joy instead of pain.

I try to let your absence motivate me to make you proud instead of leaving me lonely and full of sorrow.

And so amidst the confusion and pain, I continue on, holding you in my heart forever. Stop by and give me a hug in my dreams sometime, would you?

Soar free enlightened grandma. I’ll be down here trying to sort out this earthly life for a while.

I sure miss you,

Jamie

 

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