Ugh. Yes. It happened to me. I fell in love with a human. He has no sign of superpowers. He definitely can’t hear the thoughts that swirl around in my head. I’ve tried all the tricks in the book- passive aggressiveness, trying to make him jealous, ignoring him, playing it cool, playing it really bitchy. Yet, the pattern repeats. I send my thoughts his way, and no reaction. What’s a girl to do?
All joking aside, I know I’m not alone in buying into the stereotype of “prince charming.” Someone who comes along and knows your every desire before even you do.
I cringe when I realize the idea I’m reinforcing. The idea that I need to be saved. That I need to be swept off my feet like a helpless damsel in distress.
I have no desire to bash men or women here, but I would like to bash an expectation. The expectation that my partner should know my wants and needs without me expressing them. We place an unfair expectation of perfection on our partners. We want our partners to be superhuman. And, as a result, we rob ourselves the opportunity of being in an equal partnership.
Just because my partner cannot read my mind or meet my every desire does not mean he is a villain or that he doesn’t care. It just means he is human, a human who is actually giving me the opportunity to share my feelings and be real with him.
When we stop buying into the idea that one day our prince will come, our relationships change.
We start to see ourselves as equals and, as a result, we start to appreciate our partners as equals. We love that they don’t know how to read our minds because it gives us the opportunity to express ourselves. We love that they don’t make every plan or decision because it gives us the opportunity to step up and lead the way. We thank god that they’re not superhuman because now we get to be human too- we get to make mistakes and be vulnerable and moody. We get to be real.
We are ready to give up the delusion of fairytales and Prince Charmings because we are ready to be real. We are ready for relationships in which our partners see us, all of us, and love us even more for it.
Instead of Prince Charming and Damsel in Distress, we are two humans, two souls, two equals. It’s not always pretty or perfect. Sometimes it’s downright ugly. But that’s when the magic happens- when two equals hold space for one another to act out their deep-seated wounds and work through them together. The relationship becomes a vessel for healing and growth- growth that can only happen when we are human, when you see all of me.
So, I thank my boyfriend for not being able to read my mind. He is perfectly human. He loves me at my best, and loves me at my worst. We work through real shit together. He challenges me to step up and speak my mind. He is real. And because he is real, I get to be real too.
And so we ask Prince Charming to gently place our feet back on the ground. We have shit to do.
And we trade in our superficial fairytales for something real.