You let go of something that was a staple part of your life.
What does that feel like?
For me, letting go of waitressing meant I lost a large part of my social identity. Comfort. Community. Safety.
It is scary and stressful to let go of stability, even when we know it’s a step in the right direction.
Whenever we let go of security, anxiety is bound to pop up. And when you mix that anxiety with a whole lot of open space and a gap to fill, well…your nerves can really get the best of you.
Nobody likes to lose their grounding.
So, what do we do with this space?
I went one direction. Let me tell you what that looked liked.
I entered the black hole- a story that kept me looped in a vicious cycle. I have no purpose. I have no direction. I amped up the stress.
Where’s that going to get me?
What I really need to do is have my back during this time of tremendous change.
How could I change my story to truly support myself and project myself in a completely new direction?
I chose to look at my situation from the most supportive perspective:
1. I now have the unique opportunity to explore!
Now, I look at my calendar for the week and look at the blank slate as the perfect canvas for my grand plan.
How many times in my life will I actually have the space to explore?
Free day? Rather than moping on my couch, I see the opportunity for a field trip- the library, a workshop, an amusement park, a regular park. Why not return to the joy of being a kid again enjoying the space with nothing on my mind but the present.
Free day? Why not spend time on the things that I love? More writing. More reading. What a gift to have time for my heart.
My state of happiness has shifted completely now that I choose to see the space as a treasure rather than feeling bad about it.
2. It’s all just a change in perspective away.
Work from home? Get lonely? Miss human interaction? Go do some work at a cool coffee shop or center where you can hang, listen to music and just be around the energy of people! Maybe you schedule a work date with a friend so you can pump each other up and make it happen.
I lost a large part of my social world when I quite serving, but I learned that we can be creative with the ways we find company.
3. I’ve started to put myself out there!
No more waiting around for someone to call. No more feeling lonely and crying “Nobody loves me!”
Take the lead. Go visit a friend for lunch, plan a sleepover (you’re never too old), check out some local shops, go to the movies! Make your own fun! Get out there by yourself or with others- you’ll always find a friend along the way (even if it’s just yourself! You can be your own best friend!)
Remember- you don’t need someone else to make a plan. You don’t need an actual job to hold yourself accountable for interacting.
4. Change your focus to helping someone else!
Rather than focusing so much on yourself and how hopeless your life is (even though it really isn’t) think of what is going good for your friends and congratulate them and be happy for them! Ask how their lives are going and how you can support them!
You’d be surprised, it always works! Often we become so self-absorbed that we lose sight of the great things happening around us! It feels so good when I get outside of myself and step into kindness and service.
And a wonderful side effect is that you GET back- you only get what you give.
5. It’s the stories that hurt.
Beware of the stories you create. When we feel emotional, we tend to add stories to our emotions.
“I feel horrible! What does this mean?! My life sucks!”
Don’t do it! Don’t go there! There is nothing for you there!
Now…take a deep breathe.
What is actually happening?
You’re in the emotional trenches.
It’s time to fully support yourself and go through the steps to find a new perspective.
EXPLORE. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE. BE WITH PEOPLE. GIVE. RUN AWAY FROM THE STORIES.
MAKE YOUR OWN CIRCUMSTANCES.